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| Author | Topic: misinterpretation of the english language |
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uncle iffy (Moderator) |
posted 7/30/01 9:50 PM
you know, i was sitting about at 'ome when i 'eard me missus say "i'm gonna cut all your 'air off tonight iffy!" i didn't think to much about it coz she's a trained 'airdresser and me mop is looking a bit more dishevelled than normal at the mo' imagine me supprise when she put a pillow over me boat race an' killed me! |
| Fruit |
posted 7/31/01 10:58 AM
A very similar thing happened to me not so long back. My brother asked me what I'd like for my bithday and after just moving house (that needed a bit of brightning up) I asked him for a rubber plant. Imagine my suprise when he handed me the keys to the Dunlop factory just outside Birmingham..... http://itdoesn'tgetanybetter |
| Cheri Blair |
posted 8/1/01 10:03 AM
Last night I was sitting in the front room with Tony watching a mag7 video, during a quiet moment I asked him what he was going to do about Robin Cook? Well imagine my suprise when the film finished he took a loaded gun into the kitchen and nicked all of Chef's money and jewelery off him! http://dodg ygovt.inc smarmy bastards [This message has been edited on 08/01/2001] [This message has been edited on 08/08/2001] |
| Fruit |
posted 8/3/01 11:34 AM
Well, can you imagine my suprise when my mother called me up today in tears to say that she now has a police record!! (you can see where this is going) So, I said to her 'I'm not suprised you're upset love, anything where sting's involved would give me the 'ump an'all http://poo&weewithahair |
| Julia Roberts |
posted 8/6/01 12:02 AM
Only yesterday I was traveling north on the Piccadilly line , the train had just passed through Oakwood station when suddenly it ground to a halt and all the lights went out. Groping around in the darkness I enquired "Is this Cockfosters?" Imagine my suprise when a familiar voice declared "No me dear, it's yer old uncle iffy's!" |
| Charlotte |
posted 8/8/01 1:55 PM
As u have probably read in the press I have again failed my driving test. It appears that my reason for failing, was that when asked to depress the clutch pedal I said that its mother had been murdered. The instructor thought I was talking to him and refused to carry on with the test. Still on the bright side, all this extra walking will firm up my bum. http://bigbums.com |
| Fruit |
posted 8/9/01 12:30 AM
Well, there I was, walking back home from the pub the other night after sampling the establishments fine ales and spirits when all of a sudden my mate Martin pulled up by the side of me. 'Thank god you turned up' I said, 'Can you give me a lift??' Well, You can imagine my suprise when he replied 'Certainly, you seem to have have lost weight and I like the way you do your hair!' Then he buggered off! |
| Gordon Brown |
posted 8/9/01 5:05 PM
Yes. I was walking down the road the other day and I came accross that hippy drummer of yours. He said to me have you got any LSD man ? No! I replied didn't you know that we all went decimal in 1972. |
| Dr Ruth |
posted 8/13/01 2:00 PM
Havin checked out the "vote for the sexieth seventh" it came to my notice that up to and including 13/8/01 nobody has yet voted for Lil Big Horn! Now this would lead new comers to the magnificent7 web site to believe that the poor chap has no 'SEX APPEAL!!!' Now I'd just like to assure everybody out there that he certainly does and to date has managed to raise the grand sum of £1.37 |
| Liberace |
posted 8/14/01 7:46 AM
Yes, well I've also checked out the voting and It seems that the boy Itchy is doing very well and I think I know the reason why. At the last Mag7 gig I attended I notice something going on with his fly. I took the bold step of going up to him and saying 'Excuse me young man, but do you know your balls are showing??' Well, you can imagine my suprise when in those Gallic tones he replied "non, mais se vous le ronflez,mon fils,je le jouerai" [This message has been edited on 09/03/2001] |
|
iffy (Moderator) |
posted 9/3/01 8:48 AM
this all sounds a bit like when we were sound checking before the gig at the rock garden on st patricks day.we had just banged through one of our rip roaring chewns when the sound man said "bearing in mind todays date, I hope you're going to do something typically irish" imagine his suprise when we all went outside and dug up the car park! |
| Baby Talc |
posted 9/3/01 5:24 PM
Last night I decided to stay at home and "spank the monkey". Imagine my surprise when I had a wank! http://www.loversballs.org J Arthur |
| Father Ted |
posted 9/6/01 8:42 AM
Being a member of the Clergy it can be quite difficult to arrange relations with young women. Therefor, it was only yesterday when I arrived home and decided to pleasure myself by 'Bashing the Bishiop'. Well, you can imaging my suprise when he picked himself up off the floor and with some outstanding karate moves broke my nose, left arm and right leg.......... |
| Jeffrey Archer |
posted 9/6/01 8:53 AM
Hi Guys - Just thought I'd let you know about a funny thing that happened to me just after I had been sentenced. I was sitting in the back of the prison van handcuffed to a muscular six and a half foot hairy bankrobber (No change there, then) When we struck up a converstion about our convictions. I was telling him all about my purgery charges and he said in a broad eastend accent 'I bet you'll be doing porridge in Strangeways' Well..... You can imagine my suprise when during my fisrt day in clink I was serving up to the other inmates a malted scots oat dish on a bed of wet lettuce and sunblushed tomatoes with a banana coolie... |
| TRUMPET |
posted 9/25/01 11:17 AM
Being a bit down on my luck recently,I decided to break into a local chemists to get hold of some, ahem, "chemical assistance" to cope with my current state of depression.I read the sign warning me that "THESE PREMISES ARE GUARDED BY A LARGE GERMAN SHEPHERD" and decided to take the risk.Imagine my surprise when I was then set upon by a 6'8" kraut called Hans and his flock of 20 rabid sheep!! http://www.nickthatriff.com |
| JAMIE OLIVER |
posted 9/25/01 2:05 PM
Whilst out nd about with my fellow TV chef mates we called in on Bernard Matthew's farm in Norfolk to inspect his latest line of produce.Suddenly that Anthony Worrell-Thompson from food and drink exclaimed that he was just nipping out the back to choke the turkey.With a voice full of disgust I followed him outside shouting that he couldn't go around doing that sort of thing in public.Imagine then my relief when I just caught him having a wank. http://www.pukka.co.uk |
|
nigel kennedy (Moderator) |
posted 7/10/02 8:10 PM
last sunday i purchased a load of second hand records at a car boot sale. amonst these was a hugh varity of "rock n' roll" artists from the last half century and their many interpretations of this blues based music. being from a classical background i was pleasantly suprised to find that i actually liked the stuff and have started listening regulary to some of my new found favourite artists and tunes. favourites include the voices of mick jagger, noel gallager, marc bolan, john lydon and a particulate favourite jim morrison. i then heard of this band called magnificent seven that apparently played all this type of music and set out to track them down. i saw the poster friday 29/2/02 live music night at the king and bucket doors 8pm magnificent7 9pm so i imediatly invested my five pounds in a ticket. i got there early and did get to see mag7, who were realy good but imagine how disapointed i was when the support band never showed! |
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