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| Author | Topic: Sad News |
| Ray |
posted 8/22/01 6:43 PM
It is our sad duty to inform the people and the others whom frequent and or lurk at this board, of the passing of an esteemed colleague one whose contributions to the field of endeavors we are all so much mired in shall be sorely missed ! It appears that he died on the Santa Cruz boardwalk after a dispute with a circus clown over a fortune from a vending machine while at his side was a woman who worked for "Clown Porn To Go" delivery service..she at this time could not be reached for comment but said at the time of the incident, that there were rumours of a long feud between the two and the last words he spoke were "Will somebody please .turn that damn Meta-Machine off !?" Late breaking news just in the authorities have identified the clown in question and are holding him at his residence in Columbus Ohio. Cub Reporter Ray Flanolanger |
| Harla Darla Quinn |
posted 8/22/01 7:06 PM
[This message has been edited on 11/23/2001] |
| Ray |
posted 8/22/01 8:05 PM
At this time I've been requested not to release the name due to respect for his family's feelings...it is requested that in lieu of floral arrangements that a contribution to the Clown's retirement home on Oahu would be appreciated as more practical by those close to the deceased. Thanks- |
| Official Statement - IRC Press Room 08-22-01 |
posted 8/23/01 0:36 AM
Official Press Release From the IRC 08-22-01 Santa Cruz, CA An unidentified spokesman for the Incunabula Research Center in Santa Cruz California had this comment on the rumor of the demise of a certain "investigator" today: [Tap-tap-tap!] "Is this thing on? {{{SCREEK!!!}}} Oh...righty then...Ahem, I'd like to confirm the rumor of my demise. It is of course all true. I should know, 'cause I'm me (I think...), well, most of the time...OK, OK! 50% of the time! Damn mathematicians!" "Anyway...it is true that I was killed in an altercation with a clown...etc., etc. although the report of me soliciting a 'Clown Porn to Go' enterprise is greatly exagerated. That was a freebie from a friend who just *happens* to be employed by a establishment called...uh, well, 'Clown Porn to Go', but that means NOTHING!!!!!!" "As my friend Robert Anton Wilson once said when I showed him a post that was circulating USENET reporting his premature demise...'Oh, @#%$. I'm dead!' " "...that is all, good night, drive safe, thanks for coming out, Elvis has left the building." "Is this thing off? Good. @#%$ retarded reporters! Let's get backstage so I can take off this rubber JM mask. We have to keep this quiet until we can extract the head of the body from that poor clown gurl's cuny...Oops!" {{{THUD}}} {{{CRASH}}} [Screams in the audience] |
| Ray |
posted 8/23/01 0:58 AM
Yes unfortunately you are correct as to the seriousness of his demise.. but my brother Bob was in his employ for years and together we were collaberating on his soon to be released (Approved) Bio ..entitled "All Along The Boardwalk Tower" coming out in early 2002 : note- interm publisher is Venezualan publisher "Headpress Books Inc. the first edition is in Portagese and will be distributed only in Brazil and small segments of the South Pacific due to copyright restrictions |
| Disturbed |
posted 8/23/01 1:22 AM
You people should be ahsamed of yourselves. They man is dead. It's been confirmed on usenet. It must be true. http://www.valentinesdesigns.com/wwwboard/index.html |
|
Harla QT Quinn (Moderator) |
posted 8/23/01 1:26 AM
[This message has been edited on 11/23/2001] |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/23/01 9:33 PM
Newest Info from Santa Cruz This is cub reporter Bob Flanolanger, brother of Ray, reporting to you live from Santa Cruz, Ca, where it was discovered yesterday in a press conference at the IRC that the person posing as JM in a press conference was actually none other than the supposed arch nemesis of the IRC head JM, Mr. Tinfoil Helmet, SCI. The ruse was discovered when Mr. TFH, SCI fell from the stage and his rubber mask was dislodged in front of a sea of reporters who had just heard Mr. TFH, SCI claim to be JM, and admit that the reports of his death were in fact bona fide. The reason for this quantum double whammy is still unknown, although spokesmen for the IRC are now claiming that JM is indeed dead, reportedly from asphixiation caused by a bizarre sexual accident involving a clown grrrrl, and a cream pie cannon. No other facts surrounding the accident have been released to date, although doctors at Captain Spaulding Medical Center have confirmed that a unnamed clown gurl has been admitted to the center's ER with the body of a leather jacketed male protruding from under her polka dot skirt. We'll stay here on the scene and report as more facts are released and discovered. For the ICS News Netweb, I'm Bob Flanolanger, brother of Ray, reporting. |
| Harla Darla Quinn |
posted 8/23/01 11:10 PM
[This message has been edited on 11/23/2001] |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/23/01 11:44 PM
That's Bob, not Ray. |
| Ray Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 0:43 AM
I musta come in to this too late, just got off work ! That's Bob not Ray , What? |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 0:48 AM
No biggie bro. She just thought I was you but I'm me (?) |
| Ray Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 1:22 AM
(((Another ICS News Team Exclusive))) It appears wrong now that the person known as JM was killed yesterday in Santa Cruz Ca..it was a Joseph Matheny but no one can prove it was THE Joe Matheny! Rumor has it that the whole' Meta -Machine "story was a cover for another experiment tied into the human genome project," (black-ops "related) Friends of the victim had reported more eratic behavior in his actions as of late and now it is thought by those whom should be in the know in this field that some sort of metabolic malfunction in this other "JM" caused the aberrant behavior that was witnessed by startled tourists post escort clown and before the confrontation with the clowns at the fortune teller machine one of the theories is that their may be at least 11 of these JM characters running loose on the west coast. |
| Smegma Freespam |
posted 8/24/01 2:02 AM
Damn, where's Jim Garrison when you need him? |
| Ray Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 2:32 AM
Early this Friday morning at 6 AM PST a spat between a wild- wide eyedclown claiming to be known only as "Joe #7" , broke out in this sleepy little Santa Barbara beach town of Isle Vista the argument was between the aforementioned person and the local Denny's Manager over whether or not he could bring his cat in a box into the food establishment ..when denied entrance , this person started screaming at the Manager"Is the cat Alive or Dead..Just tell Me that And I'll Leave !!!! The manager looked in the box and seeing a dead cat ...called the police whom led the suspect away while he cried "you can't get us all "...you can't get us all" repeatedly ! It is thought that their may be a tie in between this disturbance and a reported death in Santa Cruz earlier this week . |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 2:40 AM
...and just so you know we're the real deal, ICS News Netweb, that report was posted from the future! |
|
Harla QT Quinn (Moderator) |
posted 8/24/01 10:48 AM
Late breaking news from the HQ Conspiracy Network: Underground sources confirm the rumour that as many as 11 possible JM clones were created by a radical dissident group of genetic scientists formerly associated with the ultra-secret human genome and sheep dip project. The various clones were developed by splicing the genetic DNA of the real JM with a clown, a cat, a troll, a rabbit, a sheep and the rare and closely guarded spermal residue of Tony Clifton obtained secretly by a Monarch operative posing as a Las Vegas showgirl. It is believed that the individual taken to the Captain Spaulding Medical Center for surgical extraction was the product of the JM/rabbit DNA splicing. Earlier reports have surfaced that this particular clone went "rogue" on a private Santa Cruz beach assaulting naked sunbathers in its attempts to multiply as many times and as many different ways as possible. Some have been reported appearing at neighborhood doorways selling Bibles or seen with Jehova's Witnesses handing out end-time brochures and even in airport lobbies chanting "Harry Christmas, Harry Christmas". It is also revealed to this investigative reporter that a secret Northern California sect of discordians have abducted one of the clones and intend to use it for their own nefarious purposes. Rumours that a JM/reptoid clone is one of the "Sheep Dip 11" remain unconfirmed. I have also learned that a clown porn de-programming group is currently attempting to find and rescue the hapless abductee. Attempts to reach the real JM in Java69 have been fruitless. The last transmission received from Java69 was garbled and indecipherable repeating the same phrases over and over: "ahhh....oohh....yeahh....aahh...ooh..YEAH BABY...." |
|
Harla QT Quinn (Moderator) |
posted 8/24/01 11:28 AM
Clown Clone Report SANTA CRUZ (EAP) -- A San Jose woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-one car pile up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air and then passed a man on the side of the road whom she claimed was Jesus. "She started screaming 'He"s back, He's back' and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett Wheeler, husband of 28-year-old Georgia Wheeler who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Wheeler said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said DB Cooper, first officer on the scene. Cooper questioned the man who looked like Jesus who told him that he was a clown porn escort dressed up as Jesus and on his way to an "appointment" when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air. Michael Kelley of Santa Cruz who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus when he wears a wig, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration as the sex dolls floated away, shouting "Come back here," just as the Wheeler's car passed him. Mrs. Wheeler was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Kelley replied "Is this thing working?" {{tapping into microphone}} |
| Klyph |
posted 8/24/01 4:29 PM
Joe's dead? Did I miss anything? |
| Rev.Justin |
posted 8/24/01 6:07 PM
No, Joe's not dead, just his clones it seems. He's still on Java69 the whole thing is quite axiomatic actually! |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 10:43 PM
News Flash!
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| Smegma Freespam |
posted 8/24/01 11:24 PM
The Roadmap For those interested in the background>to date General Colon "Kung" Pao of the IRC provisional army (also known as "Ben Wa and that Intriguing Clicking Sound", release coming out Sept. 2001 on IRC Records) has provided this link as a backgrounder for aspiring cub reporters. Join the IRC News Netweb now and enter your reports! http://user.boardnation.com/yconvergence/board.cgi?board=Rec&action=display&num=998618053 |
| Klyph |
posted 8/24/01 11:40 PM
If Joe's not dead, then I didn't miss anything? |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/24/01 11:44 PM
We're not sure which Joe's dead... |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/25/01 0:12 AM
This debacle should all give us reason to pause and think. Give till it hurts. http://stopclownpornnow.org/ |
|
Harla QT Quinn (Moderator) |
posted 8/25/01 0:19 AM
Repost Posted by Klyph on August 24, 1901 at 17:26:35: In Reply to: News Flash! posted by Bob Flanolanger on August 24, 1901 at 16:24:31: I saw a wet dog in Santa Cruz, but no Joe so maybe he is dead, in spite of what he might think. I say we throw a wake in his honor, get shitty, and move on with our pathetic little lives. The OH&I wake will be in Ong's Hat this Sunday!!! Sunday!!! Sunday!!! right after the Jersey monster truck rally. "It was, will be worth the while of all three of you" -Alias Moniker |
|
Harla QT Quinn (Moderator) |
posted 8/25/01 0:26 AM
[This message has been edited on 11/23/2001] |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/25/01 0:32 AM
Memo: Veteran reporters are still required to report to the official ICS News Netweb Newsroom. http://pub84.ezboard.com/finvisiblecollegefrm1 Official ICS News Netweb Newsroom |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/29/01 2:13 AM
Uh, oh. I better get the Netweb News truck out of mothballs. There's a war brewing... http://pub84.ezboard.com/finvisiblecollegefrm1.showMessage?topicID=33.topic CS News Netweb Newsroom |
| Bluebeard O'Flanolanger |
posted 8/29/01 3:54 AM
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yer missing half the war Bob ![image]http://www.incunabula.org/wrapster/flag_blk_whtbns_clr.gif[/image] |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/29/01 8:29 PM
From what I see, it hasn't started quite yet... I think Firefly is still rallying the troops... http://www.afterthat.freehomepage.com/designs.htm ICS News Netweb Newsroom |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/29/01 11:22 PM
Hey! Bluebeard! Stop buyin' those cheap ass Taiwanese flags! http://www.basementshaman.com/ I see a third thing... |
| Bob Flanolanger |
posted 8/30/01 5:41 PM
All kidding aside, I haven't seen Matheny posting ANYWHERE since the original usenet death announcement. http://www.basementshaman.com/ I see a third thing... |
| Harla Quinn |
posted 8/30/01 8:51 PM
Los Altos, CA (EAP) Sources from beleagered California Representative Gary Condum refuse to comment on the latest allegations which involve a clown porn ring and the disappearance of a Silicon Valley Media CEO. While others have recently come forward accusing Condum of perjury by exposing their prior sexual affairs with Condum, which he denied, California natives are shaking their heads at these latest reports. Silicon Valley "insiders" are shaking their heads, too. Joseph Matheny, CEO of iMMERSION-New Media, Inc., was a noted and visible figure in this technological community. Matheny's recent disappearance combined with the recent disclosures by activist group "Stop Clown Porn Now" that both he and Rep. Condum were active clients of the clown porn escort trade, has police investigators pursuing new leads. A representative for Matheny, a Mr. Tony Clifton, declined to comment except to say: "Wherever those @%$&* 40,000 tax returns and 800 million dollars went - that's probably where you'll find that @%$&* no good @$%&* ... Shandra who? Is this thing on?" {{{tapping microphone}} |
| Ray Flanolanger |
posted 8/30/01 11:38 PM
~EMERGENCY~ All field agents are requested to report for a -ICS- "Network Test" in progress. Thank You (sorry for the interuption Ms.Harla) http://pub84.ezboard.com/finvisiblecollegefrm1.showMessage?topicID=37.topic ICS-NEWS TEAM CHIEF |
| Ray Flanolanger |
posted 9/27/01 6:01 PM
This is a test- |
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