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| Author | Topic: Eyes Opened |
| Richard |
posted 11/2/05 8:55 PM
I am an N. I found this out today. Every link I started reading, I was searching for my picture. Every diagnostic criteria applies to me to varying agrees. I have been married for 13 years to the most tolerant patient woman on the face of the earth, even though I have given her repeated reasons to want to leave me, including cheating on her. I had been diagnosed as OCD, but now see that this is only a by-product of being an N. I hope it is not too late in my marriage, but am afraid this time it may just be. |
| sunmoon |
posted 10/16/06 1:58 PM
hi richard, a few questions .. is your wife a christian.. if so tho you might have abused it and maybe or maybe not realized it... said your sorry and expected another chance...perhaps if you now better truly see what true repentance is and can convince her of it, she might be willing to work with that... --- now if you are not a christian yourself,my thinking is that a christian wife could still work with one who is sincerely repentant and willing to try to make things right... some of the above should still apply even if you both are not christians:)... now myself i am an odd breed of chrisitian to many...one who believes in reincarnation as compatable <spelling? hmm compatible? ... with jesus and the bible... and i think the now deceased 1945 american psychic,edgar cayce, provided many good insights into the spirit and jesus... and another differing aspect from many christians i dont think the bible truly says evil souls go to hell eternally... nevertheless it is still not the best place to go but for those who need boot camp..... :) to help better consider getting back on track... |
| pansy |
posted 3/6/07 2:09 PM
No offense but can a narcissist be repentful? I didn't think they had teh capability but maybe a desire to hold on to what is his and make the necessary concessions? |
| Therena |
posted 3/23/07 2:36 PM
I Think its great that you realize you have a problem. I agree with Pansy, but regardless, as Dr. Phil says,you can't fix what you dont eknowledge |
| Survivor |
posted 4/29/07 10:04 AM
Indeed, a narcissist may find salvation and redemption, but it will take intense courage and absolute honesty. These elements of risk, once surmounted, will become your backbone to healing. Getting involved with a counselor/therapist that specializes in narcissism and/or abuse will not be easy, but once you've started down that path of honesty, integrity, acceptance, and responsibility, it will be easier every day to avoid the Old Behaviors! Best wishes on your journey to healing! |
| Tiger66 |
posted 8/5/07 6:31 PM
I am an N.And also diagnosed with PTSD. I will be completely truthful.And hope it wont be used against me in court. I will try to be as calm and objective as I can,As Ive been crying my eyes out for 3 days. Because upon My wife's return she told me I was an N.6 weeks or so ago, about a week ago I decided to see if there was any truth to it. So I phoned my psychologist and she confirmed my worst fears.I had been in therapy for 6 months. When I was told this I just wanted to die right there. I even bought enough pills to kill an elephant.But that would be the cowards way out. So ive been crying my eyes out since. Overwhelming shame and guilt.I feel this way because nothing can ever undo what I have done. There is no amount apologising or anything I can do to reverse the past. I feel I should be hanged, The simple fact is I dont know what I should be doing. There seems to be 2 sides,The victims who want to lynch N's(My wife and her family).And the victims who believe N's should be treated with compassion. NPD is a coping mechinism that one develops to deal with existing in a very unhealthy environment(Mine was childhood and I will explain).Is the point to make someone feel even worse about themselves for coming from a fucked up background they had no choice but to endure in the first place?This explains why.But it doesnt make up for it. My therapist said she hadnt told me that I was an N,She didnt want to label me. Because of the effect it would have. During my time in therapy we dealt with the present and she didnt have the opportunity to work on my past .I resisted,Because the truth was way too painfil to admit too. She explained that I should be hypnotised. so where to begin. Married 15 yrs. My wife left a year ago. She returned breifly after 1 year. A totally selfless act on her behalf. Upon her return she told me she had a nervous breakdown. While I was in bed she tried to kill me by hitting me over the head with a heavy glass paperweight my head was cut open.And I deserved it.Shame she missed. Currently in the middle of a vey bitter divorce. My childhood was extremely abusive,In secondry school I was beaten up almost daily by the other kids,and I dont mean the odd slap,This is well documented,But nothing was ever done.This went on for about 6 years. Because of my behaviour,during the marriage my wife reacted by. I used to ask my wife if we could attend relate etc.she always refused ,If I asked if we we could talk about our problems her response was very belittleing "are you a f***** psychcharisist" Firstly My wife would Insult my looks ,"your fat f***** face" etc. and then she would justify it by saying she didnt mean it, she was angry. never would I dream of insulting a womans looks.Intelligance etc. I am currently unable to eat a thing. Because of her nervous breakdown I worry every day. I write to her lawyer to ask how she is all the time,But to punish me he wont respond. I have asked for Conceptual Closure This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed. In such an exchange, a compassionate offender (quite the oxymoron, admittedly) offers his prey the chance to rid herself of cumulating resentment. He also disabuses her of the notion that she, in any way, was guilty or responsible for her maltreatment, that it was all her fault, that she deserved to be punished, and that she could have saved the relationship (malignant optimism). With this burden gone, the victim is ready to resume her life and to seek companionship and love elsewhere. |
| seeker |
posted 8/6/07 7:19 PM
Dear Tiger66, It is a very difficult time in your life, but perhaps ultimately one which will serve as a catalyst for you to begin the process of healing. I know it must be hard to think of it as such. With self-awareness can come pain and discomfort, but you now have the opportunity to realize the importance of making changes in your life. Shame is useless and self-perpetuating. It is destructive on all levels. Rather than hammer yourself with shame, put into action accountability by making amends to yourself and those you have harmed. Hang in there... keep searching for your answers.. they will come. |
| Tiger66 |
posted 8/7/07 3:19 AM
Ty Seeker,for your kind words.In All honesty I cant see myself ever forgiving myself.She and her lawyer lied in court. Which made me push harder,I never dreampt for a minute she would have a break down. But I did push and she did have a breakdow.Her solicitor failed in their duty of care to her.It explains why it happend.But im certain it's something I will never recover from. |
| Tiger66 |
posted 8/7/07 3:24 AM
Because divorce is traumatic. And all lawyers are interested in is money because they like their flash cars and fine food.A psychologist should be assigned to each divorce case to look after the human side.So that human needs are met as well as the legal side of things. |
| BlueJean |
posted 8/7/07 4:48 PM
Thats a great Idea. Why not name and shame the Lawyers here. Maybe we could email them or something. Take care Blue |
| TrustingSole |
posted 9/9/07 6:17 PM
Have you read the book SPLITTING by William Eddy? about divorcing BPDs and Ns? Not every lawyer is bad but one must admit that N-victims are badly hurt and you can't really blame them for their attitude towards N. Also, it may take a victim YEARS before he/she ever heals enough to speak to you. http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/spy.php |
| Deanna_10 |
posted 9/9/07 10:20 PM
What about the people who's lives are devastated by the distorted and unscrupulous agenda of BPDCentral.com? Before finding a more profitable cottage industry, Randi Kreger used to peddle soft core, incest related porn under the pen name "Ophelia Rand". Paul Mason eventually disavowed the whole thing and at least two of her other contributors have stalked their ex partners in real life. Someone, a family member that she will not specify beyond that, hurt Randi Kreger, and was determined (perhap only by Randi Kreger) to have BPD, so now she dedicated her life to trying to establish a *charitable* trust devoted to witchhunting people with BPD and MAKING THEM PAY. The fact that BPD is the PD most likely to result from a long term relationship with an abusive partner is irrelevant to her. She only tacked on NPD as an afterthought to benefit from reciprocal maketing and publicity with the redoubtable Dr V, an individual one would be advised to rather have on the inside p*ssing out, than on the outside p*ssing in...in the unlikely event one had the stomach to cope with him at all. The message of BPDcentral is subtle, but crystal clear: If you declare your unwanted partner has BPD or NPD they will support, encourage and uphold you in cancelling your ethics and your partner's fundamental human rights. It is disgusting. D10 |
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