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| Author | Topic: Calling All Narcissists |
| Lightworker |
posted 5/5/07 3:52 AM
Well I'll just go ahead and post this here since I'm coming to realize that many of you don't trust an outside forum. Please Lana if you can, contact as many of your old group as possible and ask them to take this survey. Please copy and paste the questions and answer them one by one: ************************************ 1. Are you male or female? 2. What is your age? 3. Have you been diagnosed with NPD? 4. For how long have you known you had NPD? 5. What is your earliest childhood memory and at what age? 6. Do you have a clear memory of a decision you made that you had to give away (part of?) yourself in order to please/fend off someone? 7. If so, estimate at what age this occured, who it was and why. 8. Have you ever had episodes where you were legitimately experiencing emotion? 9. What evoked this/these emotion(s)? 10. Please briefly describe what went through your mind when you got close to emotions. ********************************* Thanks so much for your participation. I'm writing a paper and wish to include the voices of narcissist themselves (duh!) in attempting to cipher the disorder. I would like you to include at the end of your post of your answers whether or not I have your permission to use your information (anonymously or assigning aliases, or even using your internet name) in my research paper. Lightworker |
| Gattaca (Lana) |
posted 5/5/07 1:17 PM
i'll link a couple sites to this one. i dont mind taking this, but i'm not sure how many others will feel the same way. Some PDers resent feeling like they are being studied. ************************************ 1. Are you male or female? Female. 2. What is your age? 24 years old. 3. Have you been diagnosed with NPD? Yes. 4. For how long have you known you had NPD? i was diagnosed at age 18. i didnt accept this diagnosis as valid until i was 21. 5. What is your earliest childhood memory and at what age? My earliest memory was visiting my mother in the hospital on the day my brother was born. i was 3 years and 6 months old. 6. Do you have a clear memory of a decision you made that you had to give away (part of?) yourself in order to please/fend off someone? i'm not really sure what this means..."Give away part of myself"...In order to please someone or fend them off? To fend someone off, i would do the opposite of giving them a part of myself...i would distance myself from them. To please someone...thats a little more ambiguous...It would depend on the situation, but i dont see how i would have to give away a part of myself. 7. If so, estimate at what age this occured, who it was and why. Still not sure what you mean. 8. Have you ever had episodes where you were legitimately experiencing emotion? Yes. 9. What evoked this/these emotion(s)? Anything. Narcissists do have emotions. Just not always pleasant ones (much like "normal" people?) Lack of emotion isnt the problem, its more lack of empathy and a need to keep others at arm's length emotionally, and often physically speaking. 10. Please briefly describe what went through your mind when you got close to emotions. Um...i'm angry? Hurt? Rejected? Happy? Bitter? Depressed? Thrilled? Excited? ********************************* Sure, you can use my name. Lana |
| Lightworker |
posted 5/5/07 3:32 PM
Thanks for your insights and honesty. I'm a layperson in the field of human psychology, although I have extensive experience in animal psychology being a rancher for decades now. So "studying", yes and no..more like observing and reporting. I think studying is muddied by a degree in psyche that requires the researcher to cloud their observations with prejudgements. I like to think outside the box..I think that's always where the most important discoveries have been made. To improve morale, I'll take the survey myself. ********************* 1. Are you male or female? A. Female 2. What is your age? A. 42 3. Have you been diagnosed with NPD? A. No 4. For how long have you known you had NPD? A. Pretty sure I don't have it 5. What is your earliest childhood memory and at what age? A. Infancy, watching my NPD mom leave my cribside, crying, her shutting the door and me saying to myself that it doesn't matter what I do, that she'll only come back when it suits her. 6. Do you have a clear memory of a decision you made that you had to give away (part of?) yourself in order to please/fend off someone? A. Hmm I agree with Lana here. "Give away" sort of equals "put in cold storage". Yes, I remember cold-storaging my anger and turning it inward as depression...hating myself for what was happening around me. 7. If so, estimate at what age this occured, who it was and why. A. Around age 3 or 4. My parents, both of them, would not allow me to express disappointment or disagreement with anything happening around me, or being done to me. 8. Have you ever had episodes where you were legitimately experiencing emotion? A. Yes, all the time. Except anger, which I still mainly realize I'm experiencing by noticing I'm becoming depressed. 9. What evoked this/these emotion(s)? A. Anger at the usual things. 10. Please briefly describe what went through your mind when you got close to emotions. A. Hmm. I notice getting pissed off at something, then I get this sinking feeling in my chest where I feel impotent to handle it. And since I cannot express my anger I begin to feel depressed that my world has no meaning if I cannot express my direct interpretation of it...since repressing a true feeling is a form of lying. It's like I'm totally disappointed in my impotence to accost the thing that's angering me. Like my hands are tied forever in maintaining my boundries. I feel like an emotional slave and that is depressing. (Hey! I just worked through something..) **** As an additional comment I'd like to add that I have a clear memory distancing myself from NPD mom. The flip-flop was too hard for me to take at an early age. Yet due to an understanding grandmother who lived nearby, I was able to form empathy for others. If not for that modeling, I'd probably be diagnosed NPD by now. |
| Paper_Tiger |
posted 5/7/07 5:57 PM
1. Are you male or female? Male 2. What is your age? 40 3. Have you been diagnosed with NPD? Yes 4. For how long have you known you had NPD? 3 years 5. What is your earliest childhood memory and at what age? I have vague images from around age 4. About 3 different images associated with the place I lived.. having to go out onto the balcony of the apartment to blow a whistle so as not to disturb my parents.. sliding a 'hotwheels' car down a slide in the playground.. waking up from a horrible nightmare where a monster with spikes all over the outside of it's body was trying to 'hug' me and impale me on it's spikes. Frankly, I think I can count on two hands ALL of the memories prior to age 8. 6. Do you have a clear memory of a decision you made that you had to give away (part of?) yourself in order to please/fend off someone? Yes. 7. If so, estimate at what age this occured, who it was and why. It was this year (age 40). The details are too lengthy and personal to go into. 8. Have you ever had episodes where you were legitimately experiencing emotion? LOL !! what do you mean by 'legitimately' ? After 3 years of therapy, I can now recognize emotions and sometimes why I may be feeling them. Before that, I had plenty of emotion, rage, shame, insecurity. I didn't have a clue what they were. Now I do. So now I'm just conscious of the disordered emotions, along with more 'normal' ones.. if you can call it that. 9. What evoked this/these emotion(s)? Rage was caused by damn near anything.. whenever life didn't fit into my plan of 'how things should be (for me)' 10. Please briefly describe what went through your mind when you got close to emotions. Until age 38-39, after at least 2 years of therapy, I had no conscious understanding of what it meant to 'get close to my emotions'. They were there. I just didn't understand them. It was never worth 'paying attention to' for me. Guess it was my way to repress realities I didn't want to face. The process of 'getting in touch with my emotions' through therapy was the most difficult and painful thing I have ever experienced. Facing a lifetime of suppressed emotion, subconcious shame and inferiority. Normal people can't imagine what it's like. Doesn't that make me special? (narcissistic humor - skull laughs) You can use this material for whatever purpose you would like. Regards PT |
| Lightworker |
posted 5/7/07 6:38 PM
Thanks to you as well Paper Tiger. |
| Lightworker |
posted 5/15/07 4:37 AM
I'm just bumping this thread up. |
| seekeroftruths |
posted 10/16/07 9:09 AM
God help us all if she writs a paper ,still at least she is honest about not studying NPD no she just judges it and every one no possible way could this person write anything fair ,unbiased ,or truthful about NPD...oh and do you really remember being an infant ??? Sure you do… |
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