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| Author | Topic: i need help |
| determined |
posted 5/9/07 2:34 AM
For those of you out there that are survivors of an NPD---I need strong, good advice ASAP=====I wish I could tell the whole story, but it would be way too lengthy, so here's the abridged version: Seven year old son, divorced from the NPD dad; son is learning that to stay out of the NPD sticky web, he has to lie, even if it compromises my integrity. No biggie there, I know the truth....but not a good value to teach my kid. I need the names of books, renowned counselors, speakers, ...anything for resource. For those of you that have survived a true NPD hell--you know how desparate it is for you, much less your children. He tells me the truth about dad, but is afraid to go against the "law", as any little one would be. This is not your usual run-of-the-mill "he said, "she said" thing. But then again, is anything to do with an NPD run-of-the-mill????? |
| Paper_Tiger |
posted 5/9/07 4:17 PM
Hi Determined. That's a toughy. Here's the thing:(everything after this is my OPINION) Anything YOU do won't change the NPD influence in your child's life, unless you successfully cut off access of the NPD to the child. Fundamentally, the NPDer needs to change for the negative environment to go away. You can't make them do that. Additionally, you may incur the rath of the NPDer if you start educating yourself and your son about healthy ways to respond. It may appear to the NPDer that the two of you are 'conspiring' against him. Furthermore, the activity may be misinterpreted by the child as permission to distance themself from the NPD parent - which to a certain extent could be healthy - and to a certain extent is already being done according to your description of the childs behavior - I'm just not sure you can trust a 7 year old to have the judgement to optimize that. It may just be easier for the child to kill any emotional attachment to the NPD parent, and I'm not sure that is healthy either. I am unaware of any literary works that specifically address how to give tools to a 7year old to help them maintain healthy boundaries. The whole issue of boundaries, in a setting where you maintain exposure to the NPDer, is addressed in a book called "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist". Perhaps as a 'survivor' yourself, you would find additional help in this work. Best of luck to you. |
| mizbubba |
posted 12/7/07 4:09 AM
I do agree the only way to keep your son from further influence is to cut off all contact from his father and this may not be possible. If he is a typical narcicisst he is not truly interested in the welfare of his son, only for show. You must be the role model for your son. You must continue to be honest and respectable. Your ex isnt capable of raising a child because emotionally he is a child. Do not let him threaten you and if he does get a restraining order. Narcicissts change their tune in the face of authority figures(police). You being a good mother and having a strong bond with your child will in the end negate many of the harmful influences your ex may have inflicted on your son. When he is older he will be able to understand his father has a disorder. If your son is displaying any acting out behaviors therapy may help him. |
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