Author	Topic:   Sharing Nasriccist Experience
JamesSutherland	posted 2/11/08 6:24 PM     I just wanted to write and share my experience with ppl as I have read countless articles and stories myself. I had a brief yet intense encounter with an N or at least I think she was a classic N but am more sure than not. Ive had a previous strange experience with another girl but this time it's more definite than not. Even tho short lived. I still came out of it feeling I had lost part of myself and felt confused by her actions. The person I met and the person that she became were very different. Now I know her charm and seductiveness and interest in me was false/fake. Slowly the cracks started to show and my gut instincts alerted me every step along the way but I ignored them and these feelings were always rationalized by her and I felt I was at fault. Circumstances were different as she was accomodating me and I never wanted to rock the boat due to what I thought was her kindness but now feel it was to imprison me and get her NS. Sounds dramatic but I feel it's true. Her consideration for me slowly began to wane and at one given instant I could see despite all her words that she didn't care for me one bit, I was an object. Ive never experienced this before to this degree and was unaware until I was out of the situation and went through practically the entire time with her, to see the things that went on. I saw them but ignored them. Until you have experience of these ppl it will be hard to spot them, that is the catch 22 of this situation and that I think is what hurts us all the most, realising after the fact. As Ive read they see all the good qualities in us which attracts us to them and then they strip you of all these things very cleverly and very slowly..Gas lighting I think it is called... If something is too good to be true, it is too good to be true. There is an indicator. I truly believed that for the 1st time in my life I had met someone I could see myself being with or at least the image of that. Maybe thats why I was susceptible, because I wanted it to happen. These ppl are charming. They are buttering you up. You will begin to feel ill at ease around these ppl. Do not ignore it, do not think you are mad, do not think it is you. Set yourself clear boundaries about what you are willing to put up with. Leave and do not look back. I indulged her in every whim and the more I did, the more grandiose she started to become. I still wander how much more she would have revealed if it went on longer. Read a lot about this disorder from various different sources and stories and you will see similarities that you have suffered insidiously. I envy these people to a degree because they are so clever at what they do but only for that, they are evil and emotional vampires that cannot be cured or hurt in retaliation. They only thing that will hurt them is ignoring them or acting indifferent to every thing they say. Show no emotion... If you are married to one. I feel for you. My 2month stint was enough to confuse the hell out of me, I have no idea what years of exposure will do. I feel that everyone needs to know these ppl exist, they need to be avoided. More and more and formed each day, the only way this will be addressed is when it becomes an epidemic. Something that society breeds... There are so many things I could say that she did. Google as much information as possible. The signs are always there. We choose to ignore them. Do not ignore your instincts. You ill always feel something is wrong around these people but will attribute it to something else.. I am fascinated by this subject as much as I am amazed by it. I feel, hopefully, armed with the right tools to spot these people and this experience has brought a much needed lesson in my life. If anything, even if you have not been exposed to a person with NPD, you should research it and be aware of it. As I said. Unfortunately it is useless as only when you have had a true encounter with such a person will it amaze and shock you for you to learn and want to understand what the hell went on... Good Luck...
Lightworker	posted 2/23/08 3:28 AM     The big thing I noticed right off the start was how my N ex boyfriend would always have to be in control of little details at first, like what day of the week I was "allowed" to come over..always some excuse why it had to be certain days and not others.. If he learned Wednesdays were good for me he would acquiesce and then suddenly announce Wednesdays no longer would work. Or if we were going to have dinner and he knew I wanted chicken, well then pork it was...and so on.. Also he would say the oddest things at the oddest times. Completely out of left field. In hindsight I didn't exist and what we were discussing right then didn't matter other than it lead him to a random thought about himself. And he had the inability to say he was wrong about anything. Once he insisted cows had only one stomach. Laughing, and knowing I had him in the bag, I calmly informed him that cows were ruminents and had four stomachs. he INSISTED they only had one. He started becoming really angry when I said, uh...no..they have four, they're ruminents. Finally he cut our visit short. I left and came back another day. I asked him if he'd found out about cows yet. I could tell he had but completely ignored my statement. I said it again and he just walked past me outside, again ignoring it. Stuff like that and a thousand other things. Another thing I would notice was a weird anxiety building in my stomach. It was a visceral sensation when I would set out to his place. I loved him but I knew he was fundamentally ill in some way and the anxiety was coming from knowing this relationship had to end, but not wanting to admit it was a failure...I think.. These people are so very sick. But to them it doesn't matter. To them WE have the problem and it really does fell like that to them. In other words if we get tired of their abusive and skewed behavior it doesn't matter as long as they've got a fresh replacement mirror (supply) waiting in the wings. That's why they also cheat and juggle people all the time, intrinsically somewhere they know they're going to use up a person and they'll need a freshly groomed replacement to step in. It really doesn't matter to them. That's the essence of their sickness. People have a need to form bonds with each other. In one sense it is evident with the narcissist because they do spend so much time grooming supply.. The difference is that non-NPD people seek to form lasting bonds whereas NPD people just want the trappings and benefits of a bond without any, and I mean ANY of the reciprocation part..
ArtGoddess	posted 3/27/08 2:12 AM     The most hilarious line I ever heard from someone with NPD was, "I don't like who I am when I'm with you." Is that hilarious, or what?!?! This was said to a woman I know who had been dating this guy for about 4 years. He has not worked in 9 months because he "deserves" better pay and a position of authority. I attempted talking to this woman who has declared, "He's just along for the ride," when she decided to end their relationship. Of course, she went right back to him and the game is on, again. Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh.
Paper_Tiger	posted 3/29/08 6:26 PM     Interesting. I've only heard the phrase "I don't like who I am when I'm with you" once in my life. A woman I met who was simply so fixated on finding a 'serious' relationship, that when I told her I was only interested in casual dating, decided to date me anyway - presumably because she thought she could bring me over to her way of thinking. In the short term, she pretended she was OK with casual, but over time, it was clear she wasn't. She began to drink too much on our dates and other interesting behavior. When she finally figured out that she really wasn't into casual, and couldn't admit to me that consciously or unconsiously, she was hoping I would change my position, this is how she expressed it. She wasn't npd. She wasn't anything more than someone with simple low self esteem.
ArtGoddess	posted 3/30/08 1:02 PM     I've actually witnessed some of the behaviors of the fellow that I mentioned. I had never met this man before and I was shocked at his behavior the first time that I met him with his girlfriend. She had been working a long, long day and was hosting a gallery opening. At the end of the evening, he showed up and she said, "I'm so glad you're here - now we can go get something to eat!" He responded, "I'm not taking you anywhere." She looked as if she were going to cry and asked, "Why not? I'm starving." His response was, "You don't deserve it." At which point I told him that his remark wasn't even amusing to someone who was exhausted as his girlfriend was, particularly in front of several people that he'd never met before. I've witnessed other behaviors that would point to NPD and, still, this woman hangs onto this fellow. I'm thinking that she's gotten to the point that she is actually looking forward to the drama/trauma and the game-playing. Perhaps, they're both narcissistic and just feed off of each other. In any event, its a very toxic relationship and I tend to distance myself, physically, when they are together in public.
Lightworker	posted 4/10/08 7:25 PM     I wonder Paper Tiger, what exactly you consider "non-serious" dating? Does it mean coming together for sex? How can any relationship be of a disconnected nature. I've always heard the phrase "I wasn't seeing him/her seriously" and wondered WTF the person was actually saying with that statement? I heard: "I'm only using this person temporarily until I find someTHING better." That phrase is one of the most dehumanizing statements I have ever heard. "Hi, I'm not really going to consider my time with you as meaningful. You're only a temporary fixture to be used by me for (fill in the blank). I feel certain someTHING better to be used by me is coming around the bend. Don't take it personally. Cuz if you do I'll label you as psychotic or low self-esteemed..or whatever.." And that's not even the most amazing part about it. What really stuns me is how accepted this casual but toxic phrase actually is. You hear the term "casual dating" thrown around like "grandma's cookies". Everyone hears it and must know on some level what it actually means, but just doesn't care to confront it.. And we wonder why insanity is allowed to sink so deeply into the fabric of our common humanity. Wonder no more..
ArtGoddess	posted 4/11/08 8:48 AM     LW, I thoroughly agree with your view on the "casual dating" connotation. If it's "casual," then there shouldn't be any gratification expected, correct? Well, the classic NPD sees the supply source just as you mentioned: THING. Ugh.
Diaz	posted 4/12/08 10:16 AM     Hmm ..the first time anyone asked me to be involved in the causual TOXIC dating, I walked out...this is for the emotionallly disconnected people..NORMAL human beings are not and should not engage in this kind of soul rape...its incomprehnsible that people think they can engage in this kind of communication without losing a part of themselves..unless you are emotionally disordered to begin with ..if you put limits on the viability of relationships before they even start off, you do yourself and whoever is involved a disservice. Also its VERY important for any potential date to know that she or he is a temporary fix..but all this causal dating always leave the unsuspecting damaged or even those who had full disclosure are still burnt..its our human nature..is all It must be a great way for a narcissist and makes good training grounds for future narcissist... I beleive when they discover most partners will walk away when causal dating is mentioned, most peple start to simply date without letting the partner in on the fact that its causual dating till they are hooked...truly narcissistic behvior
wendy	posted 5/2/08 11:18 PM       Its nice that theres lots of info on this disorder. I was none the wiser to these kind of people. I have just come away and am essentiallly trying to escape an N. He did what seems to be the trick of seducing me and my friends. I wasnt sure I wanted to enter into any kind of relationship with him at first but, but since he started seducing my friends and telling them that he loved me etc etc. He managed to twist them ino twisting my arm so to speak into embarking into a relationship with him. This N is particularly nasty at first he try befriend my friends what I mean by that is going to events that I would normally go to but have been unable since I have a kid and taking MY friends back to his flat to fill their heads with how im a closed off person and apparently unemotional. I fell ino a trap whereby I believd his story that his ex-wife was abusive towards him. I listened to monhs of vitriol about this female until I told him enough was enough. I stupidly let this guy move in wih me and my son. It led to a different persona from him he became increasingly demanding for sex etc, even though I went through a long period of illness. The demands manifested themselves into my apparent rejection of him, which inturn led to bouts of verbal and emotional abuse. I also discovered that he was slandering me to other people and some friends of mine. He was buying things for me that I didnt ask for or need which also led to serious verbal and emotional abuse. I had observed him on many of occasion flirting in an abnormal way with other females The man has been physically abusive I beleived his promises of geting help etc. It got so bad that I could no longer go out with him or take him anywhere with me as he often caused trouble between me and my friends or deliberatly try and get me upset so that he could point he finger and make himself look superior. It took me a while to understand that one. I did hit him I admit cos in early days I had no idea what I was dealing with. I had had him being abusive verbally towards my ten year old son and couldnt believe he expected me to accept that. NO CHANCE OBVIOUSLY. I had the guy abduct me and drive me outta town where he had me listen to verbal abuse about me, my friends, my family , my work etc for over 4 hours and then of course comes the dip in personaliy where the reality sets in that 1 i got him recorded of his abuse and 2 I could get him charged. Ive had the guy bring a known theif in my house so that he could steal off me-he guy did he stole my laptop and mobile and friends purse. I admit this was the turning point for me cos I went for the N in a big way. I was going to kill him for doing all this. Im trying to study and have a kid to bring up. I managed to get the N out my home and escorted it to get a flat elsewhere. Problem is this N dont come from this area. Ive lived here for over 25 years and he insists on being friends with my friends for NS. In other words its all he wanted in first place, my friends, my life, as he has no life. Ive been recording his abuse and telling my friends now whats been happening and also my family. Its odd when your human and trying o get this thing to recognise that it is unnacceptable to be violent and abusive and troublemaking in life. The N still thinks I need him. Im sorry for saying it, its just that we are dealing with a human being here is devoid of soul somehow. I have never come across anything like it. I know we have a lot of social problems wihin society and I dont profess to be problem free myself. But I dont understand this kind of being. I know eventually even hough ive warned this guy in a big way that im going to have to do something about it. Im storing up the abusive texts and e-mails and have his abuse recorded on a dictaphone. Problem he's got is im too well liked and respected in this town and he cant puncture that. in other words not a lot of people are buying his stories. They seem to switch from the abuser to victim and one sweep. Its weird. Hes crazy now cos I wont have him back and have made i clear if not public that hes essentially rotten. He'll never rest until he can worm his way back in and then before you know it he's only preparing for the next nasty episode he can inflict on you. In other words I know that he wants to loll me ino a false sense of security so that he can set up the next scene in public so that he can say "see, look,look what ive got to put up with". He would do anything for attention I went through a stage of feeling sorry for him but I tell you dont be fooled by this, its another way of getting attention. It is afterall all they desire. He truly thinks he's special, has had special education and is generally jus special. He dont have any family or any real friends in the way you or I do. My advice to you all is to reconnect wih your mates. Log down any abuse, record it tell your friends and keep it up ill you get rid of it. My N is still stalking me essentially. He's been warned and Im quite prepared to ensure that somewhere down the line he's going to end up in court with a possible sentence. All my friends are getting warned as far as im concerned. these Ns are just bullies and haven been able to grow up yet. I read somewhere that they are like 6year olds with a shotgun! I think thats a pretty accurate description and all the more reason to be opening up to others and seeking support from friends and family and start to isolate these people. Im waiting on my Ns response to the isolation im beginning to implement on him through informing people of the abuse by him. Youve got to or they just get away with causing more hurt and damage on her people. sounds bad maybe but i think a tase of their own medicine is essential.

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